Rare Gems

Mining the Deepest Recesses of our Mind

 

NEW:

11. The day you die will either be the best day of your life or the worst day of your life, and no other best or worst days of your life will be remotely comparable in magnitude.

10. I recently signed up to donate fat cells to folks with anorexia. I’m not just doing it for the free liposuction.

OLD:

9. Worldly acclaim is a poor indicator of success in God’s eyes. After all, that shameless imposter and ravenous wolf, Joel Osteen, sells tons of books, lives in a big mansion, and enjoys popular esteem as a celebrity pastor. Most of the true spiritual giants I’ve encountered toil in obscurity.

8. If reason was the main hurdle to people believing the gospel, everyone would be a Christian, because Christianity is eminently reasonable. But the main hurdle is the will, and the human will is very unreasonable. It turns out reason is subordinate to the will.

7. Always request extra fortune cookies at the Chinese food joint — it increases your chances of getting a good fortune.

6. Ladies, if a guy wants to date you, first ask him what superpower he would most like to have. If he says, “invisibility” or “x-ray vision,” run for your life.

5. I’m so glad that, unlike dogs, in order for humans to get to know someone new we don’t need to go over and smell his or her butt. That would be awkward.

4. If death is just a part of life, why do dead people seem so different? It’s almost like life has ended.

3. If every single human cell in the body has a digitally encoded purpose in its DNA, wouldn’t it make sense that the whole organism — you and me — also have a clearly defined purpose?

2. It is wrong to say atheists are without hope. They desperately hope God does not exist.

1.Eternity’s a long time, but in the timelessness of heaven, it won’t feel like it. Time flies when there isn’t any.