Kamala Harris Arrested by DOJ for Impersonating a Major Party Presidential Candidate Heavily armed federal agents descended this morning on the home of Vice President Kamala Harris with a warrant of arrest on charges of falsely impersonating a major party presidential candidate. The DOJ was concerned Harris might be armed, given her penchant for guns […]
Devil Says When Trump Arrives in Hell, Hitler Will Move to his Left Side Hell (A.P.) – Highly placed sources in Hell are saying that Hitler is protesting his demotion to Satan’s left side as soon as Trump arrives. At that time, Trump will sit at Lucifer’s right hand, where he will serve as Beelzebub’s […]
Kamala Harris Says McDonalds Wrong to Hire a Billionaire Washington, DC – In crisis mode after Donald Trump’s appearance at a McDonalds in Philadelphia, Vice President Kamala Harris released a statement criticizing McDonalds for hiring the former President. “It’s outrageous that McDonalds would hire a billionaire when there are many, many unskilled residents in that […]
Biden Seeks Agreement with China Similar to Deal with Iran on Timing and Location of Missile Attacks Washington, D.C. – Fresh off the successful downing of Iranian missiles and drones targeting Israel, Joe Biden says he will seek a similar agreement with China on when, from where, and how many nuclear missiles they’ll be shooting […]
Chicken Little Sues Kamala Harris and DNC for Copyright Infringement Mr. Chicken Little, who inspired and claims ownership of the fable about terrifying the feeble-minded into believing the sky is falling, is suing Kamala Harris and the Democratic National Committee (DNC) for stealing his ideas. Mr. Little claims that Harris and the DNC are thinly […]
Five American Heroes You Never Knew Were Gay Attn: All Print and Electronic Media From: The Human Rights Campaign For Immediate Release June 20, 2024 – In celebration of Pride Month, he Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest LGBTQ+ rights advocate, recognizes great LGBT+ Americans who were forced to hide their sexual orientation due to […]
Ancient Transgender Culture Mysteriously Disappeared After One Generation Archeologists have excavated the remains of a highly advanced and literate transgender culture that prospered around 5700 BC in the Mesopotamian delta. Everyone born into this ancient culture, who archeologists have named, the “Dylanites,” in honor of trans-activist Dylan Mulvaney, was encouraged to transition away from their […]
Trump Chosen for Personality Transplant Operation In a press release today, the National Institutes for Health (NIH) announced that former President Donald Trump is one of only a handful of people nationwide selected to receive a new personality via a breakthrough procedure for people with irreparable personality disorders. Trump was chosen among thousands of candidates […]
Codes for Nuclear Football Simplified to Help Biden, DoD Reveals A top unnamed Department of Defense (DoD) official says the agency has simplified the process to launch nuclear missiles via the “nuclear football” that is with President Biden at all times. The DoD source says the President had difficulty entering the codes given his frail […]
AOC Seeks to Ban Santa Claus from U.S. Air Space Washington, D.C. (AP) — At a press conference today, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (“AOC”) proposed legislation banning Santa Claus from U.S. air space, citing his discriminatory gift-giving practices. Specifically, AOC accuses Mr. Claus of a long history of giving better and more expensive gifts to rich […]