CDC Scientists Discover “Kryptonite” to Leftist Media Viruses
Scientists at the CDC are enthusiastic about a promising anti-viral agent that “chews up and spits out” leftist media viruses that currently afflict the host body, America. These extremely toxic viruses come in various strains, including MSNBC-19, CNN-19, NYTimes-19, WPost-19, and NPR-19, among others. Because of their close resemblance to the human anus and their tendency to spew noxious fecal material, scientists colloquially refer to these viruses as “assholes.”
The asshole viruses seek the destruction of the host country, especially when it’s internal organs act sensibly or in accordance with Christian beliefs. When such “assholes” proliferate widely, they produce vast numbers of tightly-bonded asshole clusters, known as “big-time assholes” that undermine the virtues, civil society, and institutions upon which the host country needs to thrive, scientists note. Often, big-time assholes seem to act in concert with organisms operating outside their own borders, such as the China-19 and WHO-19 viruses. 
Surprisingly, these “assholes” protect China-19, even when it threatens their own host body of America. Scientists suspect the asshole clusters may eventually derive a future benefit from the China-19 virus by what they refer to as their curious “sucking up” behavior.
Fortunately, the CDC has discovered a massive virus that co-habits the same American host body, which is hostile to the much weaker “asshole” viruses. Ironically, it is similar in form and structure to the media viruses, but far more powerful. This “alpha” virus easily locates and eviscerates the media assholes on a daily basis. The good news is that the alpha virus, known as DJT-19, by neutralizing the asshole viruses, proves to be highly beneficial to the host body.
In short, reports the CDC, the only known antidote to leftist media “assholes” is the tougher, meaner, and more effective “asshole,” DJT-19.
Unfortunately, scientists consider the DJT-19 to be one-of-a-kind and therefore unable to be replicated. Nonetheless, they are hopeful DJT-19 can continue its reign within the host body, and so far are encouraged that the greatest threat to DJT-19 is an ineffectual partner with the media assholes, Biden-19. The Biden-19 “asshole,” notes the CDC, meanders weakly and aimlessly about the host body, and is clearly no match for the alpha asshole, DJT-19.
The Alpha virus DJT-19 is working overtime to neutralize these nonstop noxious “asshole” viruses, and in defending the host body, can spew some of it’s own bilious material. The only vaccination for these viruses is the gospel of Jesus Christ which heals and disinfects the whole body and arms it with antibodies that can detect all that would harm and destroy it, and blind it to that which is truly good. This gospel will truly save us and the world.
Well said, sister!