(This is our first posting in our “Pop Song Theology” series, in which we’ll examine the hidden messages from or about God in our favorite secular pop songs. In this entry, we’ll examine a 1979 hit sung by Nick Lowe, “Cruel to be Kind,” which a few of you graybeards may recall. Our grandpappy sang it to us while he rocked us to sleep in our crib.)
Cruel to be Kind
Cynicism about clergy, particularly those who preach before TV cameras, is well-deserved. It’s telling when an old pop song by early British pub-rocker Nick Lowe carries vastly greater theological heft than any sermon by one of America’s top TV preachers, Joel Osteen, who traffics in bubblegummy, prosperity gospel pep talks, straight out of the Norman Vincent Peale and Robert Schuller playbooks.
Osteen’s Lakewood Church in Houston has the largest weekly attendance — approximately 40,000 truth-seeking pilgrims — in the country, and he’s made millions peddling his gravity-free books, including Your Best Life Now, Become a Better You, and It’s Your Time (take that, Miller Brewing Company!) He’s recently been criticized for his church’s tepid response in providing much-needed shelter and supplies for the victims of hurricane Harvey, while Osteen himself hunkered down in his humble 11 million dollar home. (Having written this before the hurricane, we hadn’t intended to “pile on” — it just fortuitously worked out that way.)
Go ahead, like me, be a nattering nabob of negativism, and knock it as insidious gas, but you can’t deny that Osteen’s message sells, which in the minds of Osteen and his followers, no doubt is divine validation of the message. Doesn’t Proverbs say, “a toothy smile rescues the afflicted from poverty and crowns them with long life, while the frown of the cynic robs his wealth and health and casts him and his descendants into the outer darkness . . .,” or something to that effect? Oh wait, that’s from the Proofs and Spoofs NIV Bible (non-inspired version).
God certainly has rained green upon Osteen’s ministry, a veritable money-making machine. Osteen himself reportedly has a personal net worth of 40 million dollars, which is sadly more than PROOFs and SPOOFs earns in an entire year.
Yet one biblical idea you’re unlikely to ever hear in an Osteen sermon is that God isn’t necessarily as interested in our prosperity as He is in our character. It’s a theme that actually appears in both the Old and New Testaments, and is offered as an encouragement to beleaguered first century believers by the Apostle Paul in this Hebrews’ passage:
My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.
(Proverbs 3: 11-12; Hebrews 12:6)
In our estimation, songwriters Nick Lowe and Ian Gomm did a nice job (intentionally or unintentionally, we don’t know) of rephrasing this passage and marrying it to a catchy pop hook in the pop/rock song, “Cruel to be Kind.” (Grandpappy bequeathed us the vinyl of the terrific album it appeared on, “Labour of Lust.”) You can see the goofy video and hear the song here, compliments of Youtube. Anyway, the lyrics go this way:
Oh I can’t take another heartache
Though you say you’re my friend, I’m at my wit’s end
You say your love is bonafide, but that don’t coincide
With the things that you do
And when I ask you to be nice, you say
(Chorus)
You’ve gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it’s a very good sign
Cruel to be kind, means that I love you baby
(You’ve gotta be cruel)
You gotta be cruel to be kind
Well I do my best to understand dear
But you still mystify and I want to know why
I pick myself up off the ground
To have you knock me back down again and again
And when I ask you to explain, you say
(Chorus)
Repeat Stanza Two
(Chorus)
(Written by Ian Robert Gomm, Nicholas Orain Lowe • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management US, LLC)
Its seems that, per the Bible and our imaginative reading of, “Cruel to be Kind,” adversity and affliction can actually be, “a very good sign” of God’s adoption and love toward His children. And, of course, not all affliction is divine discipline: much of it can be attributed to the reality of living in a broken, fallen world, which helps us to see this isn’t our home, and to re-focus our gaze Heaven-ward.
Yet for the average Christian, hardship rarely feels spiritually beneficial at the time — it might even seem more like God’s favor has disappeared. We at PROOFs and SPOOFs have certainly had moments (okay, months……years….decades) when we’ve felt that way. During one of those (recent) times, we came across “Cruel to be Kind,” on the tribute CD, “Labour of Love,” featuring Nick Lowe songs performed by various artists paying homage to him. (We hadn’t heard “Cruel to be Kind,” since ol’ grandpappy, etc, etc. . . )
During this challenging period, we were captured by Marshall Crenshaw’s and Christine Ohlman’s nifty version of, “Cruel to be Kind,” which was a much-needed reminder that He was still calling the shots and that, perhaps our excruciating discomfort wasn’t for naught — it was actually for our own good. It certainly countered our suspicion of God’s absence, which we, and perhaps you, are prone to feeling when stuff hits the fan.
But, what is a follower or member of Joel Osteen’s church to do when crippling illness strikes, a child dies, or a financial crisis hits? Adversity has a way of finding us when we’re not even looking for it. In the midst of hardship, Osteen’s faux theology that God just wants us to be happy is a recipe for despair. It forces us to conclude one of two things: either God isn’t really good, or He hasn’t the power to carry out His good intentions. Either way, Osteen’s “teaching” isn’t cruel to be kind; rather, it’s just plain cruel.
So, if you’re flipping channels on a Sunday a.m. and you come across Osteen on TV, keep flipping, or better yet, head over to a biblically sound church to hear the genuine gospel of grace. And while you’re driving, fire up your eight-track, cassette, CD, or MP3 player and have a listen to preacher Lowe at full volume as he croons the tuneful sermon, “Cruel to be Kind.”
Trust us, you’ll feel much better.
(Post Script: Sometime in the 1990’s, Nick Lowe transitioned to writing modern pop standards that borrow from R&B, soul, country, rock, and blues. We can’t recommend Lowe albums, “At my Age” and “The Old Magic,” among others, highly enough.)