Devil Says When Trump Arrives in Hell, Hitler Will Move to his Left Side
Hell (A.P.) – Highly placed sources in Hell are saying that Hitler is protesting his demotion to Satan’s left side as soon as Trump arrives. At that time, Trump will sit at Lucifer’s right hand, where he will serve as Beelzebub’s new chief advisor.
Former Associated Press writers and editors close to Satan are also reporting that, in recent weeks, Hitler had been pleading with the Evil One to keep his rank as second in command, but to no avail.
Apparently, Hitler whined, “But I was responsible for the torture and cruel murder of millions of the Enemy’s chosen people, and Trump has only weakened democracy in America. If he’s lucky – with lots of help from you, O Master of Evil, he’ll turn America into a dictatorship, which would admittedly be for the good of evil. But he also wants to put our allies at CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, and many others into concentration camps. That will only help our Enemy, most truly wicked One.”
“Adolph, Adolph, I have great plans for my faithful servant Donald Trump,” Satan purportedly responded. An MSNBC source close to Satan reports the Evil One previously promised:
I will cause Donald to join my servants in Western Europe, where I am worshipped with great devotion, to strengthen the Paris Climate Accords, impose strict electric car mandates, and build thousands of those hideous offshore windmills.”
Further, this source noted he personally witnessed Beelzebub laughing demonically and boasting that “nature worship” will move the disgusting human vermin on earth closer to his unholy grail: world government controlled by the anti-Christ, who many in Hell speculate is either Greta Thunberg, Malia Obama, or Barron Trump.
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